What Does Home Mean for a Diplomat Kid? [Interview]
I recently connected with a fellow diplomat’s daughter and had the chance to interview her. Emily is 21 years old and recently moved to The Hague to start her studies. She and I went to high school together in Beijing and we’ve been friends ever since. In her interview, we discussed her life and identity as a third culture kid.
I hope you enjoy the interview and please leave comments letting me know what you think.
Can you map out your moving experience and tell us why you moved so much?
My mother works for the German Federal Foreign Office. That’s why we usually have to move every two to five years. I was born in Bonn because at the time, the HQ of the Federal Foreign Service was located there. We then moved to Berlin and this all already happened in the first year of my life. From Berlin, we moved to Addis Abeba (Ethiopia) and lived there for four years. After that my mom got transferred to Abu Dhabi (UAE); we stayed there for five years. The Hague was the next country on our list and we stayed for four years. We got to move back to Berlin after that and I attended a bilingual school.
Two years later, my mom and I moved to Beijing. I spent over three years in China and I graduated high school at the German Embassy School. After graduating, I went to university in Beijing to take Chinese classes. Once I finished, I moved back to Berlin to officially start my studies. I stayed there for a year. In the beginning of 2020, I decided that I want to study something else and during the summer, I moved to The Hague and now I am studying International Business.
How has being a diplomat’s daughter shaped your sense of self and identity?
Identity, well. I think it has a lot of pros and a lot of cons.
You become more open-minded. You have so much knowledge about other cultures. Also, all those countries you lived in will always be a part of you and you will always feel connected to them— it becomes a part of your identity.
But it is also really difficult. The relationships with your family, apart from your immediate family like parents and siblings, are out of the picture. You do not see them as often and you do not have as close to a connection to your roots. So, that important part of your identity is missing or not fully developed.
Although you have the experiences from all these countries and you call these countries home, as soon as you leave it is not your home anymore. At some point when you get older and graduate high school and move out of your parent’s house, you need to find a home for yourself and find out who you are as a person without your parents. All of a sudden, you have a free choice in where you want to live in the world and what you can do.
What is your response when someone asks where you are from?
I have to say, I always get a little overwhelmed when I hear that question. It depends on the context though. If I get to know the stranger then I will ask them to specify what exactly they want to know.
When I started university in Berlin, our professor wanted us to introduce ourselves. Most students answered with “born and raised in Berlin”. I knew I could not say that I am from China although I identified with that culture at the time and it was my home prior to Berlin. I thought it would make things unnecessarily awkward and I did not want to go over the details of my life in an introduction session, so my simple answer was that I am from Berlin too.
What country do you consider to be ‘home’ and why?
That is a difficult question. I cannot choose only one place, so I would say Montenegro, Germany, and Kenya.
- Montenegro because my parents live there right now
- Germany because my sister lives there and I have several friends who do as well. I think I feel more connected to Germany as I had the opportunity to live there alone (without anyone telling me that I had to go there)
- Kenya because that is where my family and my roots are
Do you picture yourself settling down in a country you have lived before? If not, where do you see yourself living in the future and why?
I can imagine living in all of the countries I previously lived in. I can imagine moving to China, Kenya or UAE. However, I can’t picture myself living in European countries just because of the weather and the cultural vibes. I think that a European lifestyle does not suit me very well. For now, living in Europe during my studies is fine but it is not something I can imagine myself enjoying in the future.
I can see myself living in Nairobi for a time. My family lives in Kenya, so I would finally live closer to them and also have the chance to discover that part of my identity more as well as my family’s history. Because I did social work in Nairobi for a couple months after graduating, I had the opportunity to see more of what life is like in Kenya and I really like it. I identity with their way of living and I feel whole whenever I am there.
I am very enthusiastic to explore that part of myself again to create opportunities. Kenya has so much potential and I want to bring out the best of its qualities and show them to the world one day.
How would you describe the life of a diplomat kid?
This life is a blessing and a curse.
On the one hand, it is a blessing because you get to experience so much: new countries, new people, new cultures. Due to my upbringing, I was less dependent on my parents and more self-aware at a younger age. For example, when both parents are working, then you have to do a lot by yourself. Within the family, it was an unspoken expectation that everyone is responsible to help with chores around the house. The way I was raised contradicts the stereotype of people like us growing up as spoiled ‘diplobrats’.
And on the other hand, you miss out on the average childhood and lack a stable environment throughout your life. But actually, I do not think I would have wanted that. The real curse is the feeling of missing a part of your identity. You experience more pain than the average kid because you make and lose more friendships than normal. You are confronted with problems like racism at a younger age (that is a story for another time). Also, moving somewhere new every couple years can be very draining. But I have go to say, all those experiences gave me a tough skin and shaped me into the person I am today. I would not trade it for anything in the world.
Do you have any tips for diplomat kids struggling with their identity?
As cheesy as it sounds, go back to your roots. You do not have to physically go there to explore that part of yourself. Find out more about your (family) history — you might be surprised about all the things you can discover.
And if it feels like that is impossible for you, reflect about yourself. You are the only one who can determine who you really are.
Cheers!
